had my annual halloween gathering on saturday and dressed up as the witch of the western woods from sleepy hollow! yummy food and fun was had, now I'm ready to slowly start moving towards winter and christmas. still need to watch a few movies, though.
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    stressed stressed

whoops, where did the summer go?

oh hi, I didn't update this thing once during the summer. now seriously, just a quick recap. I SO wish I could update often enough so that I could write about something a little more detailed than whether I'm alive or not. so. QUICK!

didn't get a summer job, I suck muchly. didn't bother me so much since I had some friends not working either except I'm broke now, yay. had a fun and uneventful summer, went to a spa with mom, bummed around, read books, bummed around some more.

got into a dance formation group for the finnish dance championships, to be coregraphed by tokyo and mollee gray! hellls yea. need to run high intensity interval training 3 times a week and such, hello fitness!

went to a tori amos concert a few weeks ago while I was having a short bout of flu after being healthy for like 2 years! wtf. Collapse )

ALSO, bought plane tickets to NYC! got the trip for my 25th birthday and asked a friend to join, and we are going in january! I'm ridiculously excited, I've never been to the US. anyone want to come say hi? ;)

went to the city's amusement park light carnival this weekend with a friend and rode the rollercoaster for the first time since high school, and I was screaming my head off! so much fun. we ate waffles and licorice and saw pumpkins and a zombie and a headless man (the job I had last year actually! wish I could have gotten it this year, too).

I wanna get into pottermore already!

hmm. halloween is coming, and since autumn is my favorite time of the year, I'm loving it. school is a bit stressful, but if I was even slightly better organized and managed to do things before the last minute, I would be fine. I'll work on it next week I think.

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    stressed stressed
our right to be loved

life update, anyone?

haha, I hate that I update so rarely and when I do I need to write an essay about what has been happening lately. I'd rather write shorter updates more often. oh well, I'll try to keep it short!

• I was on tv again, this time on the finnish version of Idol. it was the finale and our group danced behind the same singer as last time! he liked us so much he asked us to come again. this time we got more to do and it was a really fun experience. the finnish idol isn't that huge a deal but nothing in finland really is so I guess it's one of the biggest things there is, so it felt nice to be a part of it.

• I graduate as a bachelor of arts tomorrow, yay! finally. I'm right on schedule, too, at least almost. so I'm pleased! I get to wear a new pretty dress tomorrow and then go to a restaurant with my parents.

• I took part in the finnish championship dance competition with a solo. remember last year when I was going to do it but my shoulder popped or something nice like that? this year I managed to keep myself relatively unharmed and coreographed my own solo and competed, yay! it was so great. mollee gray from SYTYCD and tokyo were guest judges at the competition and watched me dance! that was weird. I got through from the first round but then got eliminated: I ended up on the 18th shared spot out of 42 dancers so I'm happy because it was my first time and I was in the better half of competitors at least!

• the annual summer job angst has been on me all spring as well, but I haven't given up and finally at least got an interview! we'll see how it goes, I'm not at all convinced I'll get it, but at least there's still hope!

• hmm, this weekend we had our dance school's spring recitals and they went okay and everyone keeps saying how I've gotten a lot better and developed this year. it makes me happy, I really do take this seriously and work hard even though I feel like there's still so much more I could do. this summer I'm planning on doing yoga as much as possible and jogging as long as my feet don't give out.

well, that's some of it for now. I promise once again to try and update more often!
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    bouncy bouncy

happy new year!

just got back from a friends' house where we had a small get-together. we watched inception and ate fajitas, it was fun!

christmas was the same as usual and I got some nice things, some that I'd wished for. lots of movie tickets, I need to be a bit better with the movies this year.

now for that Collapse )

new movies seen: in the theater - 9 (wow that's a low), altogether - 88
books read: 24

ok gotta sleeeeep now, yikes!
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our right to be loved

happy holidays!

I'm at my parents' place for a few nights for christmas. I've been seeing my friends so often in the past few days I feel like I've seen them more than I have altogether this year, and that's fantastic, I love it.

LJ seems a bit quiet already. I feel so horrible for not sending out christmas cards this year, either, and the reason I didn't possibly submit my address when some of you were asking because I knew I probably wouldn't send my own and I felt like a bad person for asking for cards. I'm so sorry guys. :( I will try again next year!

so this is my card to you:

merry christmas my dears!

  • Current Music
    the joulukalenteri
just overwhelm me


hello! I just sent a final draft of my bachelor's thesis to my instructor today! so I suppose I suddenly felt like there was also something else I could do other than angst over writing it or studying. I was supposed to study for a japanese exam on thursday but I stayed up until 4am writing the paper so my brain was fairly uncooperative today.

anyways, I remembered I'd been meaning to post photos of my apartment! I moved in in... 2007? so it's been a long time coming but now I have photos to show, seasonally! I'm also a decorator nut so beware of stupid commentary, haha.

I also dyed my hair copper in october and while it didn't last that color for long it was still nice! some people were asking to see it so I thought I'd throw those in here, too. and some dance photos since dancing is pretty much all I do!

Collapse )

only 3 days left of school!
  • Current Music
    winter song - sara bareilles & ingrid michaelson
war wounds

um, hi?

I'm still heeere! and I'm procrastinating so much that I ended up here. I have been meaning to update because my last one is from july(!!!), but school is ruining my life right now, haha. soo, quick updates I guess.

• my shoulder is so much better! the physiotherapist told me not to come anymore after 3 visists, the last of which was in august, and he told me to keep doing the stuff I had been doing. the soulder still feels a bit different, and aches a tiny bit from time to time, but it's still getting there. phew. eventually this might have been a good thing because I'm forced to work on my arm and shoulder muscles now, and I always wanted to but didn't have motivation.

• I'm writing my bachelor's thesis paper, which isn't even such a big deal, but I want it to be really great and get top marks on it and everything, but it's proving to be really hard. I think I brought it on myself by setting the bar up high for myself, because now I'm blocked from writing any of my paper. I struggle pretty much every day with the thoughts about writing it and how it's gonna turn out, and then I'm angry with myself for not just writing. I even chose a subject I like; I'm writing about lorelai gilmore losing her dominant position in discourse, which is interesting. but it's gonna be done before christmas, so... only weeks left!

• dance is going nicely though after the hell of starting again in the fall. I've been getting some positive feedback from teachers every now and then and I feel like something's just clicked with certain things and I'm getting it when it comes to technique. workshops with american teachers continue to be hard as hell, however.

• happy halloween! I'm still in halloween mood because I'm having my party next saturday! the day was better for a few of my friends and me, and it's a type of all saints' day in finland anyway, so still a week to go! also I'm spending a week before my party without eating any candy or desserts, and it hasn't been as hard as I thought! actually easy. yay! we already had some snow that has since melted, but I'm also ready to start waiting for christmas.

and I am reading my friends list every day! :D just couuunting the days until I can turn in this thesis paper. gaaahhh.
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    discontent discontent
war wounds

oh hai!

um, I kind of got obsessed with football. what? like I wrote in my previous post, I was pretty much watching every game. not every single one, though, but most. and all the spanish games, hahaa. so YESSSSS SPAIN WON! haha this is old news now and stuff, but no one on my flist (except at_midnight, but we support different teams) seemed to be that much into it anyway so no matter.

I actually saw the semi-final of spain-germany in a bar and that was a hilarious experience. it was ridiculously hot and we managed to get a table near two horrible loudmouths. they looked pretty at first but when they started watching it was a pain to be near them, haha. the final I watched at home so I could concentrate. anyway, I got horrible world cup withdrawal. and fell more in love with the spanish NT. lord. that's gerard piqué in my new icon, haha.

for some days it's been so hot I've had to leave my apartment as soon as possible because I sit still and sweat in here! I only have one fan and it doesn't do much. in the evenings it's perfect, and I prefer it this way around of course, but maaan. I've swum in the ocean only once although it might have been good to go on those hot days. brain, melted with the heat.

shouder-wise, I've been getting better still. it still hurts in specific positions but less and less every day, so yay! I really want to dance.
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    free fallin' - john mayer
war wounds

summertime for sure. new layout!

first of all, I redid my LJ layout after having the previous one for a few years. it was really time! now I have jason, yay. oonak oonak oonak! check it ouuut!

ahh, the weather has been perfect lately. today was rainy, but it's a nice change and it's hot and humid.

it's been a month now since my shoulder broke. it still hasn't healed. it's slightly depressing, but it is getting better still. and I will keep believing so. today I also went to dance class for the first time after it happened, and it hurt. I don't think it made the arm worse, but it didn't feel good. the physiotherapist told me to excercise and do all kinds of things, but I keep being really careful.

I don't know. I just wish it won't have to go to surgery. but I won't even think about that yet.

wow my allergies suddenly started acting up like crazy! I wonder if I should go check if I really have some specific allergy. I'm completely stuffed and my throat itches, ugh. I could take antihistamine but I truly have some phobia about meds nowadays. all I can take are painkillers without being scared of what they will do to me. haha, I don't know when that happened. but I don't like polluting my body with anything unless I really really have to.

I've been watching SYTYCD season 7 and my favorite dancer is robert! he is soooo cute and pretty gay, and I love his personality and he's a really good dancer too. and hot. and hot is also jake gyllenhaal, who I suddenly fell in love with. I watched 5 of his movies in a few days. now I'm a bit calmed down, haha. but man, I loved the good girl! so funny and sad. anyone seen it?

pretty little liars has some hot people on it, too! especially ian harding's english teacher ezra fitz. so cuuute, and my age, haha. I ship ezra/aria now, and it's fun to have a ship!

the world cup is also taking up half of my evenings! only a week left! I'm rooting for spain so bad, but I'm afraid germany will win. I love the spanish NT so much! they haven't been playing their best I guess, but I don't care. they are hot and cute and awesome!

midsummer was loads of fun, I drove with 4 friends to a summer house and we cooked and sunbathed and went to a midsummer eve's dance! mom and I also visited tallinn a few days earlier, and I thought I might make a photo post about the old city, it's really beautiful. I hadn't visited the city before although it takes two hours by boat. there seem to be good shopping places there, too.

well this was a long post! I obviously need to update more often, haha.
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    holland vs uruguay on tv


well, my life just isn't going so awesome right now. I'm partly to blame for it, so it's not like the universe is against me, but sometimes I want to say it is.

so, I was going to take part in the finnish dance championships I was in last year with that formation group. I was going to do a solo, and I'd mixed the song myself and had coreographed about half of it. I'd been pretty late doing it, but all my friends were having the same schedule so I thought it's okay since it's normal. I'd just have to practice every day to get it all down. the competition starts next friday in oulu, which is 6 hours by train from here.

last wednesday I went to an audition for the same dance program I was in this year. during the combo I leaned on my left hand and my shoulder made a loud "pop" kind of sound. both my shoulders pop from time to time, the left a bit more, but it's nothing. but after this one, my whole shoulder and arm started to hurt like hell. I could still move my arm somehow and finished two rounds of the combo and then we were done anyway.

my arm wouldn't go straight up from the side and curling it around my body either way hurt like crazy. I thought it might be partly dislocated or something. next day I went to an orthopedist and got a doctor's note for the championships and a referral to a physiotherapist. hopefully I'll get an appointment soon.

I have overly flexible joints and my shoulders are loose, which is why they snap and pop and crackle, and something in my shoulder has been torn because the muscles aren't strong enough to support the looseness. the doctor couldn't tell for sure, but said that since shoulders are slow to heal, it can take weeks. it has gotten better so little it's making me mad, and, the point of all this, is I won't be able to compete.

the competitions are once a year and I still can't believe this horrible luck. just... maybe I wasn't meant to do this this year. and even though I was running late and had a tight schedule, I was excited and ready to do it for real. I had been thinking about it all year. and I keep thinking, if I'd finished coreographing it earlier, might I be able to go now and dance despite this pain. there are still 4 days left. but I can't practice every day now like I was supposed to so even if the pain had lessened by friday at all it wouldn't really help.

I don't have a summer job either, again, and it's partly my own fault because I haven't been looking hard enough. I thought I had a good chance of getting one job but I didn't. and it's so late it feels stupid to still be looking but I will.

so basically, I'm broke, broken, lazy, and unable to express myself. I need to find some silver lining in this.
  • Current Music
    after afterall - william fitzsimmons